Clandestinity.

Sun, 18 Jan 2009 05:47:30 GMT

The terms retrenchment, lowered wages and the all too familiar 'Times are bad...' never fail to remind us of the finiancial recession that broke out just a few years back. Peoples' impression of their cushy jobs and bright futures suddenly became bleak, almost as if a dark blanket was being pulled over the once-thought-to-be recession proof economy of Singapore. Several months later, hopeless Singaporeans received a message from the Government; the economy is forcasted to take a turn for the better in the year to come. Almost within a week, retail businesses started to pick up once again. The Great Singapore Sale recorded an all time high in sales, unemployment rate dropped and people could finally take a breather. The Government announced that two large scale casinos to be built, erected the spectacular Singapore Flyer and won the bid to host the inaugural F1 race. With the expected boom in tourism, the fate of our economy looked bright and hopeful.

September 15th, 2008. The leading U.S. investment bank Lehman Brothers filed for bankruptcy and stock markets all over the world plunged overnight. To the ill-informed and economy-ignorants, this just seemed like any other news article in the financial segment of The Straits Times. The implications were only realised when the news media erupted, strategically featuring the carnage in financial sectors worldwide. Hopeless investors with their messed up hair and crumpled half-tucked shirts staring blankly into the stock index, reports of millions of dollars lost and multi-millionaires bankrupting overnight. Economists even tossed around the possibilty of a second global depression. Back home, local experts started to craft lists of potential problems related to the general population; higher cost of living, retrenchement, lowered wages, ... Ministers' advice on coping with the catastrophe included spending less, watching what you spend on, upgrading yourself to minimise chances of retrenchment and lowered wages. Needless to say, we obedient Singaporeans were panic-stricken. National stress-levels must have hit an all-time high, with paranoia coming in second. Many started keeping a personal 'check-list' of do's and don'ts, and as I would expect, started treating their fellow colleagues and bosses a tad better. Affected industries started assessing their risks, figuring out ways to cut-coss and to minimise their losses. The banking industry, being hit the hardest, was the first to act. Inefficient bankers lost their jobs and bank loans became harder to acquire.

Amidst the chaos, a group of industries began to ride on this wave of tragedy. It became an excuse to unaffected companies to cut-cost, lower wages and retrench for the purpose of generating greater revenue. When asked, they simply respond with 'We have also been hit badly, it is either we retrench or we have to lower wages, cut-cost and charge more to survive.' One would expect that the banks, being at the front-line of this disaster to be busy cleaning up this mess but instead, they have actually been opening up more positions. On the surface, it looks like a noble act of helping people who have been hit worst, giving people the hope of staying employed in these tough times. Pardon my dogmatism but a simple chat with fellow banking friends of mine have revealed otherwise. I have heard that these banks are actually hiring more to seive through the bunch of desperate bankers, keeping only the best. What a luxury.

Blame the economy or even the Lehman Brothers if you will, but take an objective look at the involvement of the media. If you're an avid news follower, i'm sure you would recognise that even up till now, more than 4 months later, there are still articles and reports on the matter. 'More people losing their jobs', 'The retrenched seeking help', 'Luxury goods dropping in demand' , 'One in three people believe that they will lose their jobs', 'Senior employee coping with retrenchment', '2009 growth forcast gloomy',... The list goes on. It does not take an expert to draw a relation in these reports - most of them are bad and depressing news. It almost seems as if people are drawn to such articles, wallowing in their sorrow and self-pity. As reports like these roll out day by day, people are only developing unnecessary fear and panic, painting grim defaced realities of our lives. Our expectations of jobs and prices are now oppressed by the dominating power of the media, giving inethical business practices a chance to thrive.
Additional chilli sauce on your noodles costs an extra fifty cents, taking out your food an extra dollar, even five dollars can hardly get you a decent meal these days. In my opinion, hawkers are in the most advantageous postion. With hardly any form of regulation to their business practices and the fact that food is indispensible to our daily lives, they pretty much call the shots. The cost of ingredients might have risen a mere five percent but their prices skyrocket to an exorbitant increase of twenty percent. Thank you for doing the math now pay up and finish your food.

Yes, we know about the financial recession. Yes, we know that we have to expect less and cut spending. Yes, we know that jobs are now hard to come by. Yes, it is time to stop reiterating the facts and move on. Give us consumers a little breathing space and we might just work harder to move us out of this recession.

my perfect morning.

Thu, 18 Dec 2008 02:02:45 GMT

You wake up to the familiar sound of your cellphone's 'alarm function' and after a few reluctant groans you force open your ever-so-heavy eye-lids and stumble to the bathroom. You pick up the same blue-green toothbrush from the same toothbrush holder, squeeze the exact same volume of toothpaste with deathly precision but casually, and start brushing your set of teeth in the same order.
What follows would most likely be that same chain of actions carried out that same order.

And we just go through it matter-of-factly, hardly pausing once to look at ourselves from a third-person's view. I would expect it to be uncannily similar to that first zombie flick you saw. Imagine what this does to your brain, and it hardly gets any better when you get to that same workplace, sit on that same chair, staring at that same computer screen with the same people around you. God save creativity!

I decided to do something different this morning. I actually decided to for once, draw those stark black curtains back, let in some of those first rays of dawn and just be... awake! Believe or not, i even skipped washing up.
Ahhh.. i forgot how beautiful mornings are; when you have totally NO agenda, nowhere you have to be, no one you have to talk to, nothing you have to do. And you just see it for what it is... (not to mention gloat at those neighbours *coughZombies of mine leaving for work)

The giver of life, casting its rays to gently cradle the world out from its cold slumber. As i drew that long and heavy light-proof curtain this morning, i stopped as a gush of cool morning breeze hit me right in the face. That aroma, that glow from the morning sun, that rustling of leaves, mixed with a certain spicyness of the december winds (yes, dont ask me how but somehow it always gets me into that festive mood).
As the leaves outside slowly awaken to bask in full glory of the morning sun, i pondered on the ultimate 'morning scenario'. Ah yess.. Glenn Ong and the Flying Dutchman in the morning express! Flipped the switches and scrolled to Class 95 on my hi-fi and wow, the all-too-familiar Traffic Watch anthem was on! Nostaligica in its finest!

*sidenote : i'm listening to my neighbour trampling away on the piano. its freaky how well he/she is playing it. i swear he/she (or i much really prefer to refer to as IT), had been admirably faithful to it's art.. i mean i've practically heard it learn to play the piano through the years!

An incense away and here i am sitting at my laptop trampling away to my own set of keys... Oh did i forgot to mention the reason for this perfectly random piece of text? yeahyeah i hit the b**g a couple of times.

Thu, 18 Sep 2008 03:29:51 GMT

omg omg omg, AIG please don't crash!!

40k for a life's lesson is gonna be too costly...

Wed, 10 Sep 2008 18:07:22 GMT

The full 13 hour sleep indeed made me feel a whole lot better, except after my attempt to indulge myself in some Kentucky Fried Comfort lunch - a romantic Couple Meal B with my dear Winni, i felt it wearing me down once again...

After hours of furniture moving and wading through thick dust lining my long-forgotten possessions, i find myself sitting in this echoey, new-paint-aroma-filled room with no curtains. Free striptease for the house of three sisters and their auntified mother directly opposite...

Allow me to digress, the family opposite mine had moved in about 4 years ago. Till today, it remains in no contact with the Leo Residence, save this once when the master of the house had reversed his Camry into my dad's car one morning while he was rushing off to work. Without even bothering to inform us of the damages, he had tried to drive off as if nothing had happened. Thankfully, Winni noticed something amiss and went out to stop him just in time. 'Talk to my wife, i have to go...' *Vrooom.... Very polite.

On a seperate occasion, the wife had came ringing our doorbell one perfectly fine evening. I saw my dad fidgeting uncomfortably her auntified aura, hearing only faint high pitched voices and noticing her seemingly panic-stricken hand gestures. Turned out, she had found a handphone in her maid's possession and had blatantly accused Winni of giving it to her. If i do remember correctly, her last words were 'I hope your maid doesn't come over to disturb mine anymore.'

Absurd!

Her daughters appear to be more normal except for the fact that they kept to themselves alot. It was hard to figure out the dynamics of their family tree since random weird people turn up to live within every once in awhile, but with me and my sister's sensitively honed neighbour-spying-intuition, we managed to piece our findings together.

The following findings should be accurate as of 2006.
There are three daughters, the youngest one appears to be a Secondary School, the middle sister a tertiery student and the eldest, a budding Singapore Airlines Air Stewardess. The middle sister has a boyfriend who drives a bright orange scooter (whom i used to curse at for inconsiderately taking up one whole parking slot directly outside my house), and the eldest has a live-in husband driving a BMW identical to my brother in-law Aloysious (whom used to take him as his undying status arch-enemy).
Occasionally, the trio and i would arrive home at an exact same time (3.30AM) which only highlighted our common activity for the night. Nope, i did not say hi, shake hands, hit it off, invite them over for a drink, etc. (or any relevant manifestations).
Hmmm.. come to think of it...

Now now, lets not drift off-topic too much. I had put together my rob-cheat-steal-coerce-to-get list so here goes...

1. Onkyo Home Theatre System HT-S3100 for superb music clarity.

2. Creative SoundBlaster X-Fi Surround 5.1 for decoding my music.

3. A big enough mirror for my empty wall.

4. A coffee table and loungy arm chairs for my new space.

5. Spotlights for meandering shadows.

6. Friends for my room-warming. (Open for reservations)

The Audio House and IKEA, be ready for me tomorrow!

Tue, 09 Sep 2008 13:07:52 GMT

Here i sit, with a heavy head, lacerated back, bruised head, hips, ass, feet, and a stinging cut in my left toe. Still remotely dazed, i can only wallow in quiet contempt with regards to last night's events... swirling through my mind like a chocolate marble cake. Yes, that's how i feel like, soft and spongy.

Meoww.

Sat, 06 Sep 2008 18:56:52 GMT

Ways in which the furry felines are similar to women:

1) They sit with perfect posture, staring at you enticingly just beyond reach. You make your move by advancing, they make you chase. You pretend to disengage and walk away without care, they chase after you.

2) They are curious with just about anything that dangles and shines.

3) They demand your attention when you don't give them any.
They run away when you give them too much.

4) Cat feed can be costly.

5) They go into crazy fits, overturning everything in sight.

6) They hate insects.

7) They spend ridiculous amount of hours grooming themselves to look immaculately cuddly.

8) When you watch your movies, they hop right onto your lap purring and stare at you with the 'you don't love me anymore' gaze.

9) When you try to sleep, they scramble on top of you suggestively.

10) They only understand negative feedback. Forget the trusty old 'NO!', they only enjoy it even more.

11) They are suspicious of every scent you have on your body.

12) They bite.

13) When you try to work, they climb onto your workspace, sit their ass on your papers, keyboard etc. and just refuse to budge.

14) They don't speak english.

Understand a cat even before you think of moving in with a woman.
It allows room for alot more errors and in the event that they piss you off, paralyse them by the scruff of their necks, dump them into the carrier, put on your noise-cancelling headphones and hit play.

Thursday, 4th September, 2008

Wed, 03 Sep 2008 18:27:10 GMT

Scrolling through the whitewash of these pages just days ago revealed the voids in my life i had long forgotten. The different phases in which collectively influenced me to be who i am today... Or supposedly?

Neuro Linguistic Programming talks about walking through the world only through this map that you have created out of these experiences; the way you percieve the world, is just a projection of a distinctly unique bundle of responses and stimuli you've had in the past.

Yet strangely enough, i have hardly any recollections of my past. I feel like i had just been awakened from a coma, only remembering events which i had faithfully chose to bring up every now and then.

Where do i walk now, when i look down at my hands now and see this smudged and faded parchment with no roads to follow?

one bad dream.

Wed, 31 Jan 2007 09:22:39 GMT

Cooked myself a hot meal this afternoon.
Left it cold on my table.
I should be hungry, i'm always hungry.

||

Truth. The nemesis of the aphorism; Ignorance is bliss.

The varacity of the statement is challeged by curiosity for the truth. How does one actually be ignorant, and care for something at the same time?
Digging for the truth may not necessarily be the best way out, but how does one force a state of ignorance just for a moment of peace? This self-percieved peace is just a ticking time-bomb that lurks at the back of one's head. More often than not, it will only subconciously taint each successive thought. And each time these questions get unanswered, it multiplies like malignant cells and before you know it, your whole outlook on the situation morphs into this defaced reality. A reality you'd come to so firmly believe in, but just seems totally ridiculous to another.

On the other hand, questioning for the truth brings about the element of trust. Questioning for the truth also questions your trust.
How did questioning ever evolve into a sign of suspicion?
Should we all just live on blind faith, and risk being exploited emotionally?

Dream is Destiny...

Sat, 23 Dec 2006 09:59:35 GMT

"Hey. Could we do that again? I know we haven't met, but I don't want to be an ant. You know? I mean, it's like we go through life with our antennas bouncing off one another, continously on ant autopilot, with nothing really human required of us. Stop. Go. Walk here. Drive there. All action basically for survival. All communication simply to keep this ant colony buzzing along in an efficient, polite manner. "Here's your change." "Paper or plastic?' "Credit or debit?" "You want ketchup with that?" I don't want a straw. I want real human moments. I want to see you. I want you to see me. I don't want to give that up. I don't want to be ant, you know?"

-Soap Opera Woman, Waking Life.

Symbiosis.

Sat, 02 Dec 2006 17:52:28 GMT

Come hither, come.
Come into the warm embrace of my beating heart.
Ripped wide open, smiling at you.

Come hither, come.
Come into my fresh cuts.
I cut myself deeper to let you in.

My self-mutilated heart.
Pleasure and ecstacy with each cut.

Your crave for blood has drained me dry.
I brace you away to keep alive.
The color of pale white, plastered your sight.
Mine's bloodshot, yours tells a lie.

I keep alive,
To keep you alive.

Tue, 29 Aug 2006 09:49:26 GMT

He sits alone in darkness.
His mind bleeds.
His breath heavy.
Every nerve in his system is screaming.

A taste of cupid's dew,
A hopeless addiction.
An insatiable want.
An instinctual need.

He knows he can't succumb.
An eternal battle wages within.
The voice of his heart cruely pinned under the weight of rationalisation.
The pain of bodily contradiction.
The hypocritical pain of self-betrayal.
A mental torment of restrictions.
It burns his face.

Belief. He has faith.
Beyond this hell lies the gates of union.
Of green pastures and an eternal sunshine.

Between is but a thin line.
Balance or fall.
Survive or die.

Will he bow to the devil within the heart?
Oh Lord have mercy, he's just going the way of the blessed...
Why is it such a sin in Man's eyes?

;To you i will not apologise.
On society's behalf i shall apologise.
Free will i will let.
What you want, you shall get.

Fri, 18 Aug 2006 07:46:35 GMT

I was just thinking about gender differences this afternoon...

Men are good in electronics so they deal with love the same.
If a relationship doesn't work, they fuse and break all connections.
Women are just a contradicting fuse.
If a relationship is working fine, they break it apart.
If it doesn't work out, they try their best to keep it going.

Now i understand why they're called 'con-fused' creatures.

Mon, 14 Aug 2006 10:33:24 GMT

I'm beginning to realise that i've come to be surrounded by people who can't get past the shadows of their past.

Can never comprehend such a feeling. I just can't seem to find enough time to brood over the past when i'm racking my brains for the future. Don't get me wrong, I don't disdain people who are sentimental and like to re-visit their history books often, in fact i think its good to think back sometimes - in a way without emotional attachment.

Emotional attachment engenders detachment from the logical mind. It overpowers all forms of reality, leaving you with 'why' questions. Why did he do that to me? Why did it have to end that way? 'Why' questions are bullshit.
When you ask yourself 'why', you're focusing on the problem rather than an outcome. In NLP, its called the 'Blame Frame', analysing the wrongs in great detail. Asking 'why' questions don't usually lead to anything useful, since you'd probably never find a reason for it. Even if you do, 'why' questions are only likely to give you justification and reaons without changing anything.
Ask yourself 'how' instead. How can you improve the situation? How can you prevent stuff like this from happening again? 'How' questions lets you understand the general structure of the problem, and pushes you to work for something better in life.
A useful tip here, would be to consider the failure as feedback.

Now, stop for a minute here and think about an elephant.
Are you now thinking of the elephant?
Stop thinking about the elephant right after this sentence. Do not let the idea of an elephant get to you...
I bet you can't stop thinking of the elephant haa!
Now think of the things that you are going to do tomorrow...

This simple experiment shows that your brain can only understand a negative by turning it into a positive. To avoid something, you HAVE to know what it is that you're avoiding and keep your attention on it. You have to think of it to know what not to think of, just like how you have to keep an object in view to avoid bumping into it.

Whatever you resist, persists.

I've seen too many of my friends thinking that they've gotten over something/someone, only to suffer a relapse after a brief re-encounter of that something/someone.
Yes, running away from the problem does work once in awhile. But more often than not, you'll just be reminded of it somewhere down your life.

Detach yourself emotionally from the experience, look back at that something in a positive way, tell yourself that you're glad that it happened so you now look at 'how' you can make things better in the future.
Personally, i just tell myself: Look, maybe circumstances back then caused me to think or feel that way. Or maybe i was foolish back then... but i wouldn't have learnt to work circumstances in my favour and be less of a fool.

Word of the day:
Prong - A pair of thongs that has been pressed neatly.

"A drunk driver is very dangerous. Everybody knows that. But so is a drunken backseat driver - if he is persuasive."

Sun, 13 Aug 2006 12:46:27 GMT

Word of the day:
Homonym - The young of an insect which has a sexual preference similar to its own. A homosexual larval form of certain insects.

"Money can't buy you happiness. Happiness comes from knowing that you can buy everything else."
-Bills Gate.

What do you want to be when you grow up?

Sun, 13 Aug 2006 09:36:43 GMT

Occupations.
Lawyers, doctors, technicians, accountants, bankers, psychologists, politicians, media.
People ask me, what do i want to be when i grow up.. Never was i once, able to give an answer without the slightest trace of ambivalence.

What in the first place is growing up? Is there a clear line to which one actually 'grows up'? Is there a certain time in your life, say thirty, when you have gracefully stepped over from the 'growing-ups' to the 'grown-ups?' Or maybe its more than a deadline, maybe it comes in the monetary terms - the number of private jets you own, the wads of cash that roll in everyday, the flashy convertibles you drive, that diamond-crusted Mont Blanc. I'm sure more than half of us earthlings would stand by wisdom for that matter. The term 'grown-up' is elected in a courtroom filled with family members and people around him as the panel of jury. The term 'grown-up' will stamp his face when the people closest to him agree that he, having lived any specific time of his life, has acquired a passable level of intelligence.
Big smiles, congratulations you're now a man. Your learning stops or at least slows to a plateau.
Congratulations, you're now in midlife crisis.

As the saying goes, you can't answer a question you don't understand.
When will i ever grow up?
I should hope not.
Because the learning stops. When you grow up, you enter a state of exponential infancy regression. You do what you know all day long, eat the same meals everyday... your life is just a routine based on your previous belief. It's a downward spiral. As you struggle in keeping that outdated belief alive, the world moves on. The world doesn't wait for you, the world doesn't care what you have to say.

If i really have to give an answer to that, I'd say that i would want to be every single occupation and never grow up. Call it frivolous but spare the derision, for this is not facetiousness.

There are countless occupations in this world we call ours, each with its own shticks.
Psychologists are mind-readers, they understand how the mind works.
Lawyers are forked-tongued speech nihilists, they use the spoken language to great effect.
Doctors are life-givers, they respect the cadence of life and science.
Bankers are risk-analysts, they know how to take the right gamble.
Media people are the icons of the public, they steal the limelight.

This does not mean that i have to actually be known as the employee who jumps boat every six months, nor the professor who dedicates his whole life as a student in the different universities of the world. This means understanding the gamut of occupational behaviours and to mix and match those i deem fit. The aim here is not to be the jack-of-all-trades. The aim here, is to build a set of skills and habits in order for me to see the world in every possible way.

Thu, 10 Aug 2006 19:55:54 GMT

They say magazines make you feel ugly.
Well in this society, you've GOT to feel ugly.
Otherwise, you'd be the ugliest motherfucker alive.

They say money makes the world go around.
Guess what, the world is already spinning...
It's just that it makes your world spin around slower for you to enjoy the finest moments.

They say THC makes you stupid.
I say that kinda stupidity is creativity done smart.

They say smoking kills you.
Addiction kills you.
Addiction is created by the mind.
Your mind killed you.

They say Love hurts.
What the hell are you talking about?
Cupid shot two arrows through it, of cos it hurts!

Triva! What is made by the sap of a tree and gives you hours of uninhibited pleasure?
Ans: modnoc eht

Boxed up.

Mon, 07 Aug 2006 08:30:40 GMT

And so, the age old adage: The hardworking Chinese.
Strange how the word 'hardworking' is a semantic for the lack of creativity.

Just weeks ago, i was waiting for my noodles at a chinese takeout store in Oz. Watching my fellow sweaty yellow-skins struggling to cope with their seemingly endless orders, i started to wonder why all chinese noodles had to be packaged in rectangular boxes.
Maybe us, the hardworking chinese are just too busy to bother with aesthetics.
Maybe we simply can't ooze up enough creative juices to come up with something more appealing.

Or maybe, the rectangular box is a testament for not being able to think out of the box.

Southern Right.

Thu, 27 Jul 2006 07:46:16 GMT

The most brief of first encounters...
A mere word that lifted my numb face, a mere 'hello'.
And there she was.

She was tall, fair and slender. Her deep blue-green iris accentuated by doll-like lashes, her face soft with a slight blush from the cold. Pinned tightly across her head was her wavy ashen hair, seemingly perfect with her feline features.
Strange. Such a deep captivation. She was drawing my glance like opposite poles of a magnet.
As the seagulls sailed with the ocean breeze, i watched her secretly from across the deck.
The morning sun was beaming high up in the deep blue above as she leaned gracefully with both hands in her coat, looking far out into the horizon.

What was she thinking? Who is this mysterious lady? Why the intense attraction?

A couple of seals and whales later, the aroma of coffee and scones diffused from the cabin. It gave the bitter cold some much sought after warmth. Like a mouse delirious with the scent of cheese, i followed the trail back into cabin and it ended with a magical sight. There she was, spreading butter on the steaming scones right next to cups of hot coffee. It might have been the act of preparing a hot meal, it might have been the comfort that came along with her, or it might simply just be her. Whatever it is, it went deep down inside me. It touched something i had long forgotten about.

'Wow, you must be the ship's cook!'
She smiled.
A smile which gave me the warmth of a fireplace, a smile i'd never forget.
The day wore on. More whales and hidden glances...

Am i going to admire from afar and regret it for the rest of my life?

'I love your job.'
'Haha, yeah it's nice out here.'
'So you must be from aussie. Which part may i ask?'
'Oh, no. I'm from Japan.'
'What? Japan? You're kidding arn't ya?'
'Haha, nope. My dad's German and my mom's Japanese. i grew up in Japan. I'm on a backpacking tour around Australia. Been working in Perth for three months before i came down here.'
'Wow. Backpacking. Alone?'
'Yup alone.'
'I admire your courage.'
'How bout yourself?'
'Singapore. Please tell me you know its not in China.'
'Of course not! How long are you here for?'
'Oh, i'm heading back to perth either today or tomorrow...'

As the yacht docked, the time seemed to slow. I knew it was time to part. I knew i had to watch as someone i felt so strongly for in such a short time walk out of my life. I felt my heart sink.
No goodbyes. A goodbye puts a fullstop. I don't want a fullstop.
I turned to look at her for one last time. She was busy anchoring the boat, she was pretty as ever, she was an angel.
She was May.

Wed, 28 Jun 2006 10:56:20 GMT

A sun drenched, tanning-oil glazing, jacuzzi bubbling afternoon. Confessions aplenty, admidst good company and lush balinese vegetation.
The red-bikini. The ever perky, ever willing to listen. Just last night, over the simplest goblets of red wine, i was liberated. The catalyst: My lovely sisterest of sisters.
Hear me out.

There came a time when the sky opened, a time when i thought i had found that one thing. That one thing which gives chills down the spine of those foolish enough to utter, that simple 4-letter word which brought joy and excruciating pain at the same time, the root of all emotions. After years of toe-poking by the pool side, i had finally jumped right in. No, it wasn't that i have decided to, it wasn't that someone had pushed me over. It was in the most natural manner...
The brief moments of pleasure-wading in the crystal-clear cooling waters was shortlived. An unimaginable cramp hit me bad and i was soon out on safe dry-land again. The once incredibly tempting pool of water now seemed like a murky brackish pond. I was phobia-stricken.

Months passed. There i sat on the deck of the yacht staring down into the water. Love for Sail. Navigating through the vast ocean i sought peace as a sailor. Sure it was fun in the beginning, no inhibitions, no hidden agenda, no destination. Just me and the never-ending horizon. It was looking promising with clear blue skys ahead. No cramps, no fear of drowning.

Little did i know, darkness was slowly creeping, slowly catching up from behind...
Loneliness.
As the dark clouds soon consumed, i cried. I finally realised that i was never able steer the boat out of the storm. I was never made to be a sailor. Recalling the incident at the pool just months ago, it suddenly struck me that it actually wasn't so bad afterall. It was merely a chanced encounter of cramps. My fear was not justifiable and definately uncalled for.
I was trained as a swimmer, not a sailor.

Take a look at yourself, from the outside.

Wed, 07 Jun 2006 10:27:29 GMT

A photograph was never the person.
A stepping stone is not the journey.
A musical score is not the sound.
There is no magic, only magicians and people's perceptions.

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be someone else? Someone you know.
A whole new perspective of the world.
A whole new set of friends, each with different impressions.
A whole new set of beliefs, values and memories.
Different passions, different activities, different lifestyle.
Would you want to live the life you've always known, or die knowing that you've experienced the world in as many ways as possible?

On a different note, attachment is ending in less than 2 weeks time. I will start work on developing myself as a person. Books are plenty, ideas are in place... its looking bright ahead :)

Formula of success.

Tue, 06 Jun 2006 16:26:28 GMT

What is the world?

A more appropriate question would be, what do you see the world as?
The world is huge place. Imagine a simple toilet cubicle. What are the sense impressions that one can draw out of that mini two by two meter space? It could be wonderfully floral scented, it could be clean without a speck of dust, it could be noisy with incessant phone-chatting of someone in the adjacent cubicle, the toilet seats could be of sleek polished marble,...
Now, imagine the moment you step out of the cubicle. How have the possibilities of your sense impressions expanded? The rest of the toilet could be reeking with the stench of urea, the floors stained yellow from inconsiderate users, the soft music can now be heard playing faintly in the background, the row of sinks could be crowded with distinct looking youths, each creating their own set of sense impressions.
You walk out of the toilet and into Paragon shopping centre. Boom! A rapid expansion of sense impressions waiting to be drawn.
And all these within a minute shopping centre situated on a tiny dot on the world map. IMAGINE the world.

The whole world is an infinity of sense impressions, of which each of us can only percieve a small part of it. Everyone of us live in our own unique reality shaped by our sense impressions, further governed by our beliefs, interests, thoughts, memories and experience. For instance, picture an idyllic beach resort. Close your eyes and feel yourself at the beach, hear the gentle lapping waves, smell the exotic aroma of sea salt lingering in the air. To me, i would have based my experience on my general impression of the beach. I would have subconsiously recalled the positive experiences that i have had at the beach and pictured it accordingly. Now, if you were a Aceh tsunami survivor, i'm pretty sure that the beach that you have pictured would not be such a nice one.

Our personal sense impressions of the world has a great effect on our actions. It practically is our belief system and humans naturally act according to what they believe in. At this point, i would like to discuss a little about evolution.
Our mind has been hardwired by numerous generations of success stories. The early people who ventured to near the the cliff, didn't feel fear for some strange reason and continued to walk... yes they fell and died before flying off as angels. Guess what, lesson learnt, humans now no longer walk off cliffs. Those who felt afraid were the ones who made up your ancestry, these are the ones who programmed your current subcounsiousness. So if your brain is an evolutionary success story, why do we still make mistakes?
Unfortunately or fortunately, times change. People no longer hunt dears with stone spears, people no longer had sex for the sole purpose of ensuring the survivability of their kind, people no longer danced around in skimpy animal pelts,... Our world now, is a complex mix of societies, behaviours and cultures. The point here, is that your mind is programmed to stay SAFE, back when post-death mortuaries are not yet invented, back when death of a human being is like the death of an ant. But the same threats are no longer apparant in the modern society.
When you stand by the cliff with bungie cables attached to your waist, your mind tells you 'DON'T JUMP! YOU'LL FALL AND DIE!' That was the expired mentality, you no longer die from jumping off cliffs.

We now need to reprogramme our subcounscousness to fit our lives. And the way in which we reprogramme it determines the outcomes of lives. A man who refuses to push himself out of his comfort zones programmed from expired generations, he will lead the simplistic life, where survivability is of utmost importance. He is literally a farmer, content with the food he grows for himself.
A man who explores the modern society, and has the flexibility to reprogramme his thoughts to fit his hunger for success in this current fast-paced, unforgiving metropolitan world, he will ultimately be rewarded with achievements far beyond his imagination. And the farmers can only watch in admiration, terming these people as...
the lucky ones.

Mon, 22 May 2006 06:47:26 GMT

Monday afternoon. Slow, dark... Agenda pondering for the next two weeks.
Here i am slouching on my comfy desk swivel chair, listening to arabic beats which apparantly seems to blend really well with the symphony of the raindrops outside.

What a drag. Weekends go by in flashes, barely have the time to indulge. Pointless indulgence, but definately necessary. Looking back at the three-day reprive, i must say its time to slow down, detox and pump up some dopamine.

The greenhouse is waiting for me. Can almost hear my lovely adolescent tomatos calling out for me now...

Many have taken our lush green counterparts for granted.
Do they even realise?

Updates on my smashing weekend to come. Stay tuned.

Thu, 30 Mar 2006 16:26:18 GMT

More peaceful pictures for the soul.
Taken with a modest 3megapixel cam.
They just tell the whole story dont they?

Tue, 28 Mar 2006 14:42:02 GMT

i have a theory.

When you eat watermelon seeds, you will start turning into a watermelon plant gradually. Leaves will start growing out from the follicles and your head will eventually become the fruit.

A very happy *toot-toot'th* birthday to the one girl who's seen me grow up from the moment i came out from my mom's womb. I wish her the courage to believe in herself always, cos really, thats all it takes.

Sat, 18 Mar 2006 09:17:12 GMT

And so, the pressing new frontier. She casually waltzed into his seemingly grey life. Warm with anticipation, her heart flutters. Coffee, strawberries and blissfully sleepless nights...

Grey. A colour intentionally painted. She was the bands of colours with a bullseye, he was the archer. Smiling to himself, he took dead aim with extreme confidence.
Just as he was about to loosen his deathly grip on the string, he paused. The bullseye seemed stranger than ever...
For once, he felt a beating heart at the end of the cold steel he was about to release.

His eyes softened...

-Jaesen,
For the waltzing angel.